I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
