glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He did a backflip because drugs
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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