we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
