plz talk dirty to me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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