is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
