Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
