Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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