Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
