im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
