You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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