i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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