I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
