..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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