i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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