babies were throwing up all over the place
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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