I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize