Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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