There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
