Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
