don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
