I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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