He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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