Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
