Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
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I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
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when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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