I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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