; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
