at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
