We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sober January is a disaster.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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