Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize