You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
