I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
