I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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