She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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