I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
