i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize