Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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