Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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