I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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