I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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