i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
