im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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