Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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