but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
