so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
