Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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