Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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