I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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