Plan B is the new Plan A
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
