She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
