Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
