guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize