Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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