when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hippo gnu deer
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We're too hungover to prance.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize