Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
