My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
A bitchslap is in order.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
