So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
