I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
