You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
