OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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