I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
