That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
