I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
love makes seman taste better
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I didn't notice because vodka
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
