My balls are so social today.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
