Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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