There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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