I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
