You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
