it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sorry about my life...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
please don't ironically join a cult
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