obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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