Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
