Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
